"Broz Theo! Long time no see!"
"Bros, I just dey show from jail o."
"You too lie, fine boy from correct home like you, nothing fit do you. Talk better."
"But God hand dey inside am. My experience for dia no be touch and go. I meet person and see things wey I still never understand. Since that judge lock me eh, I think say my own don finish, but e be like say, I pour remain."
"So you smell rod true true?"
"Prison for jand na small hotel na, daz why I no too lean for eye. If na for 9ja I enter eh, you know na, my smell go still pursue person for 3weeks before correct cologne go die am."
"Sorry o, but why you come go jandon begin craz for oyibo them peeps? Wetin you do?"
"Wetin you wan hear? Na one yeye man from our side wey hook me dia o, say ehm go show me road. He say shortcut full everywhere, na ehm I follow shortcut come get 18months inside cage. I go publish my book soon sha, take am recover my image."
"You wan write book?" "Wetin you go talk, abi you wan tell the world how you take lie-lie get visa, borrow money buy ticket, enter jand for winter time, hard life hol you, you thief, them catch you, jail you, finish. Wetin I miss?"
"You miss Ibori."
"Ibori? Which Ibori?"
"Our own product, Bros James himself!"
"How?" "You jam Broz for dia?" "Na lie!"
"Hmm, na ehm be say my book go sell well well."
"You mean you dey the same prison with James Ibori for jand and you gree make them release you jus like that??" "I no believe!"
"Wetin you mean by say I gree make they release me jus like that?"
"How you wan convince abi na confuse guyman like me say you dey inside with Broz James and you no connect with am make he use you for outside arrange ehm pepper wey still dey hang here and there?" "Abeg comot make I fine cigar smoke joo. I no dey like to hear nonsense."
"Friday, listen to me, the man no min for all those one again o."
"As he no min, you nko? You don forget all your gbese? "Look make I yan you, Lamido don sack that bank manager wey pity you loan you that money..."
"You mean am!"
[sigh] "Kai! You don jones."
"But wetin I for do?" "I near Ibori for dia, I near am well well, but he don change, he born again o!"
"Born wetin!"
"True, the man don convert o!" "E so change sote to talk of money now dey hard am."
"E go hard am, why e no go hard am?" "You no hear say dey don cuff some policemen for jand wey collect pepper from ehm hand? Look Theo, leave that thing, the man no fit change. Person wey fit package pepper for MI5, na pikin? Na professional be that, Wafi brought up! Broz dey plot ehm escape. Dey go don tell am say make he play good boy, join them born again people inside dia, make the ogas for dia recommend am for early release."
"No be so o. The James Ibori wey I chop with for 5weeks before them open for me no be the same Bros wey you know o." "Friday, James Ibori tell me say he won become pastor, say God don speak to am."
"Finnnish!!" "Pastor eh? I like Broz. I know say he no go fall our hand like muugu. If James Ibori become pastor for Warri, who no go be ehm member? Even the Governors and commissioners go dey come from Asaba and Yanoga dey attend service and Bible study every week. Oil money dey finish? You dey deceive Biaati. If na true you dey talk eh, I go begin now prepare for ehm release."
"Why?"
"Because by the time he go comot from inside, na Bishop he go be. And you know wetin that one mean."
"Wetin e mean?"
"MONEY!!" "You don see Bishop wey dey drive small car for here or live for small house?" "Bros Theo, think, think, this thing na game. Think of the offerings and tithes. Bishop money no be beans o."
"You get point, but no be this James Ibori. I swear, James Ibori dey speak in tongues now, dey prophesy, dey see vision, dey even..."
"You see yourself, for how many days wey he enter inside na ehm he don dey see God? No be say God no fit change people o, but you no know Ibori. Man wey ehm wife dey smell rod for am for another cage, wetin go hard am do? Nnaa shine your eye, use your brain, think!! This thing na arrengeeeeee."
"I never tell you anything o. Datz why I believe say my book go sell well well o. The kain vision wey Ibori dey see for prison no be mai mai vision o. He dey..."
"Wetin he seeee? He see Jesus Christ face to face? E be like say you ma don convert sef. You dey talk like person wey jus join Cele. My only pain be say you no even hol the gbese wey you owe me since before Abacha die."
"That gbese na June 12. Abeg, make we go chop first, I go yan you things wey you no go believe. I don see say God fit change anybody. This Jesus, Jesus wey dem dey call for church eh, na correct something o. James Ibori, His Excellency don born again o. He don become prophet for prison and God dey use am do miracles dia o. I go tell you the things wey I see korokoro like this. God dey, I tell you, God dey work for this world, make we waka go chop first."
Friday dey think as them dey go chop...
If na true say Ibori don convert follow Jesus, which name e go give ehm church? Where he go build am sef? Abuja? Warri? Asaba? Abi for jand dia, make ehm dey see pepper in hard currency...
People go attend so?
Which kain converts he fit make... former crooks in government... drug barons?
"Nothing we no go see from God hand for this we Country o!"
This thing fit be true o.
